Canadians Invade Australia

It’s true that I, along with countless others, have returned to the United States of America…but I took the scenic route. I went to New Zealand and then Australia, and I’m still taking my time because that’s what I do, I take my time, I change my mind, and take my time some more.

I’m in San Jose, CA at the moment visiting a friend from college, and it’s almost midnight and my clock is way off base; I woke up at what I thought must have been early this morning and it turned out to be 2 o’clock this afternoon. So I decided I’d take a moment, collect my thoughts, and take advantage of the free internet while everyone else is sleeping. It’s going to take time to tell you about everything though, and I won’t start from the beginning because I have a one track mind and it doesn’t work chronologically. I’m starting with what’s fresh on the brain:

When I was in Australia I met more Canadians than Australians. I met French Canadians, Canadians from the west, and Canadians from On-terrible (Canadians words, not mine). I was worried that I was going to bear witness to Canada's shining moment of global take-over for a moment. I would pick a warmer place too if I were them. I was having dinner at a hostel with one of my brand new Canadian friends from Alberta, and two guys from Spain…I know, it already sounds like a bad joke but bear with me. One of the Spaniards says, “So you’re both Canadian?”

The Canuck beside of me scoffs at the absurd suggestion and he quickly pointed out that I was not of his kind, and I happily agreed. “Oh, you are from the U.S.? Don’t you hate Canadians?” Our Spanish friend asked. I pointed out that I do not hate Canadians, in fact I don’t really think we ‘hate’ Canadians really at all…we like making fun of them. And here’s my theory:

Let’s start here, think about how old other countries are, if there is “Mother England” and say other countries like France, Germany, and so on, helped to fertilize our great nation, then I would say the United States would be going through the early teen’s right about now. At the very oldest maybe about 16, just got our driver’s license, think we know a lot...and we tend stress out the people around us sometimes. Then we have this slightly younger brother; he's always around, can’t do wrong in the eyes of others, makes straight A’s in school…this kid brother is Canada.

It’s always, “Why can’t you be more like Canada?” and “Canada is so nice, why can’t you be nice?” and of course “Well Canada doesn’t start wars.” And as we continuously get lectured over and over about our wrong doings, there’s Canada sitting up there on his high horse smirking, and all we can think about is how we can’t wait to draw a penis on his face when he falls asleep. So that’s what we do! We love our brother, but we’re certainly too cool show it right now…So we pants him in public, give him wet willies, and make certain to tell him he smells like monkey fart every day.

I really like my Canadian friends, especially their fine sense of humor, and without them wouldn’t have…ummm….curling or whatever it is they do up there I’ll leave you with my favorite joke about Canada, told by a Canadian, so it’s okay:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GphM-FBK3P4