Love Connections

During my stay in America I spent some time speaking to high school classes about Peace Corps and living in Tonga. I was asked a lot of questions, many the same in every class, but I tend to remember the ones that weren’t always asked. Now that I’ve thought about it, one question from one young man that only came up once out of all the classes was in regards to relationships. I think the rest of his class realized the vital information that they overlooked and immediately perked up their ears to find out if investing your time in something like the Peace Corps also meant an investment in a brand new chastity belt and a good book collection.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about what my dating life would become once I got to where I was going. Would there be any guys at all? Would they be fun? Would they be nice? Would they be cute? Can I do 2 years of deprivation? But the fact is that no matter where you go, the odds of you running into someone you can connect with are good. In fact, I think you’re more likely to run into someone while you’re pursuing something you really care about rather than staying in one place for fear of missing out. For example, I wanted to join Peace Corps and by doing so I met a lot of other people who I have at least that much in common with right off the bat. You’re more likely to meet people with the same interests as you while you’re participating in the interest; this seems pretty straight forward. If you want to meet a bodybuilder you go to a gym, you don’t sit at home with a Big Mac and fries while you watch The Biggest Loser.

I also prepared myself for the possibility of not meeting anyone that I would be romantically interested in. I decided that I’d be fine either way, because I’m pretty comfortable being single and used to being on my own. If it bothers you to have alone time, or you’re a serial dater, you might not want to put yourself in a situation where it’s a possibility that you’ll be having a lot of ‘you’ time, or maybe you do, what do I know?

As per usual, every volunteer in every country has a different experience and story to tell, so don’t just go by what I have to say on the matter. Personally, I’ve had some enjoyable experiences and less enjoyable ones; I’m sure you all remember the story “Oh Captain My Captain” from last year. I’ve encountered some odd balls, yes, but no more than I did before I came here. You’re faced with all sorts of options really; there are other volunteers, local islanders, or my personal favorite, people from other countries that are on the islands for various reasons. It made sense for me to live abroad at some point, in the past I have had a soft spot for men of the foreign persuasion, and old habits do die hard. So yes, like anywhere else in dating there can be an all you can eat buffet, but then other times you may feel you’ll starve for lack of edible options (is it surprising I used a food metaphor?) In the end you just have to eat what’s in front of you, find another restaurant, or go on a diet, but don’t be afraid to look at the menu. Ok now I’m confused, what were we talking about?

Before I get too off track, I think the moral of the story is that you shouldn’t catch yourself saying something like, “I’d love to do this…but what if I can’t meet anyone? What if I end up alone?” or anything else that prevents yourself from doing the things you want to do because you feel you’re going to be hindering yourself in love. Don’t worry the same dramas that come with the opposite sex are all over the world, you’re probably not going to miss out. Now, I’m not saying that one day you won’t wake up 26 years old, childless, single, and with a Mother who won’t stop asking what the problem is…but nothing is without cost.