Where are the Ruby Red Shoes?

My first day back in my village was a relief. My house is in tacked, my dog is too, and after the dramatics of actually getting here I was more than happy to face the mess of dead roaches, dirty laundry, and unpacking. What dramatics you say? Well sit down, grab your bagel and coffee, and put off what you think you have to do, and read on!

So there I was…mindin’ my own, just trying to get back to my simple island life. I walk into Charlotte Douglas Airport, a little sad and happy at the same time, saying quick goodbyes to my Mom and Dad who have to act in hast so not to be reprimanded for parking at the drop-off site for people meant to fly off…like myself…maybe. I went to the appropriate counter to check in with my print off of information that my Travel Agent gave me; the same info I used to check in for flights to come to America (that’s important in the story).

As I approach the counter I think of the blue/green waters, sunshine, my house, my dog, how I’d be seeing it all soon. All of the million things going though my head were interrupted with, “Well I have you listed on the flight, but you don’t have a ticket.” Happy thoughts gone.

My name is there, but I don’t have a ticket…hmm. Keep in mind I called the airport earlier just to double check and the lady on the phone said I was on the flight, but didn’t mention anything else that may result in me staying grounded. So I calmly press on with this concerning matter...at this point I’m upset but not yet crying, but that’s coming. I say to Patricia, “I already paid so how can you have my name on the flight but not have a ticket for me?” We speak about this for probably 15 minutes, and even now I don’t understand how that works. Patricia called Air New Zealand to check their records of my flights. By the way, Charlotte lady’s name is Patricia, we’re on first name bases, and she can’t even find my flight history coming into America, none of the information on my useless piece of paper shines any light on the situation. At this point, maybe she thinks I’m a terrorist from Canada or something, trying to pull one over on the Charlotte airport. I’m starting to think she may detain me, eh?

Air New Zealand lady is now on the phone, Patricia talks to her, nothing is resolved. I then took the phone, Air New Zealand lady has a pleasant New Zealand accent that cheerfully explains to me that there are no records of me having a flight to Tonga on April 21st but on April 28th and if I’d like to change it to the 21st I could pay. Queue the tearing up, but I held them pretty well considering I was full of anger, fear, frustration, and confusion, as bonus I didn’t yell either. After over an hour of discussing and consideration of options…those options being: A) pay more money or B) stay in America, and inform Peace Corps it’s been real. I decided to pay the cost to change my ticket. I’ve left out lots of emotional turmoil from the 2 hours of standing there, but I don’t want to be a Debbie Downer so I’ll skip to the end.

I got my ticket just in time for boarding, I was lucky when some nice people in line at the check in gate let me pass them at the X-ray area, and I had just enough time to sprint with my 30 lbs of carry-on. It was just like in a movie, except it wasn’t a comedy, romantic, or entertaining in any way like these scenes usually are in movies. I looked like a jackass. By the time I get to the plane and seat myself, oops wrong seat sorry sir, I just have the energy to put my head in my hands and breathe. Then sleep.

Obviously, all went fine thereafter, I am at least here, in my house writing this, and I’m grateful that I am. But seriously, Dorothy didn’t have this much trouble getting home, and she had an old lady with flying monkeys and bad homicidal intentions after her. I guess my Good Witch was off playing craps and drinking Bloody Mary’s, paid for by those Ruby Red Slippers she cashed in instead of helping a girl out.

But on one last note about my wonderful excursion to America, I would like to leave you with my version of a Cheers and Jeers List. Please enjoy my Top 10 Faka-Awesome and Lame List.

1. Faka-Awesome…Grocery Stores. Lame…going into one for over an hour and walking out with nothing but a bag of chips and 1 bottle of Vitamin Water.

2. Faka-Awesome…Being able to go into a store any time you want to get anything you could possibly want! Lame…that store is Wal-Mart.

3. Faka-Awesome…Mexican food. Lame…the bodily discomfort that follows the consumption of Mexican food. (Totally worth it)

4. Faka-Awesome…Weddings with open bars and dancing. Lame…nothing lame about it, I drank, ate, and danced with Firemen whilst dressed like a princess and feelin’ purrrdy.

5. Faka-Awesome…family and friends. Lame…same family and friends harassing you about when you will stop moving around, marry Tom, and have lots of smart-ass babies.

6. Faka-Awesome…hot wings and miller light. Lame…only having the combination once, after you’ve been talking about it for a year and a half!!

7. Faka-Awesome…T.V. Lame…most T.V. shows, plus commercials.

8. Faka-Awesome…Wine tastings. Lame…only bringing back one bottle.

9. Faka-Awesome…singing Cher’s ‘If I Could Turn Back Time’ to a crowd. Lame…no request for an encore.

10. Faka-Awesome…I’m back in Vava’u. Lame…nothing yet, let us end on a high note.